Sincerity of Heart

Quick accountability update: I did my two minutes of exercise with pull-ups today. I decided to change things up a little and do more reps, and it was premature as after doing my first set of five which felt easy everything after was a struggle and I eeked out nine total and the last few were not pretty.

As I've also been making sure to read at least one verse of scripture when I'm settling in for bed (usually turns into a chapter) I decided to read up more on Alma (the younger) speaking with his son Helaman. I was interested in the relief he expressed during his conversion story.

"16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."

It struck me that this was a little different than how we can tend to think of the repentance process. I know I at least tend to think of the need to stop doing a wrongful thing to receive forgiveness and relief from the pain caused by living out of harmony with God's law. However, in this account Alma has been struck into a coma-like state and has not yet had time or ability to change his actions. He has merely changed his heart and mind. Now from this time forward, his actions are changed and he truly works to make amends for his previous wrongs and walking in God's ways the remainder of his days, yet in this moment he sounds as though he has received the peace that the spirit offers, the relief that the atonement of Christ offers as though he has fully repented, yet without outwardly changing anything yet. I guess since I've been musing about perceptions of personal identity and how that can drive action as much as action can drive identity, I see this as a case of someone truly changing from rebellion to a recognition of wrong-doing causing a broken heart and a desire for contrition causing a rebirth as a new person ready to move forward with a desire for righteousness. Now that's not to say that Alma would have lived a perfect life from this point forward, but certainly sought for God's guidance in his decisions to ensure he was doing what he could to follow the light he'd been given.

I wanted to look into this more and decided to go back to Mosiah 27 where this experience of Alma's is first given in the record. Interestingly, I was drawn to the chapter prior to make sure I had some good context. There Alma (The Elder) is seeking guidance about what to do about citizens who have been brought to him to be judged in his capacity as High Priest over the church which King Mosiah refuses to make a judgement and wills Alma to make that determination. Anyhow, with that background, Alma is praying and hears the voice of the Lord who states that all who repent in the sincerity of their hearts will be forgiven. Then in the next chapter we see Alma the younger receive his strength after three days stating: 

"I have repented of my sins, and have been redeemed of the Lord; behold I am born of the Spirit."